


Hell have no fury like a…snakelady scorned

by Ferairia123



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: All food tastes like vegetable for Noct, Crack, Ezma knows about this, Fighting a nagarani, Gen, Hunt Gone Wrong, Ignis is chill, Let there be meat, Prompto tries to sing, Why you shouldn't insult daemons, mentions of milkshakes as food, no beta we die like men, weird status effects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:36:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14850287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferairia123/pseuds/Ferairia123
Summary: After a hunt, Noctis starts to taste all food like vegetables. They had to seek help and the cause behind it is not what everyone expected. At least, it's not permanent.





	Hell have no fury like a…snakelady scorned

**Author's Note:**

> FFXV Crack Week Day 2 Fill : A day where everything Noctis eats tastes like vegetables. 
> 
> Manners are important, ladies and gentlemen. Even if it's with a daemon.

They were at the Calletein’s Plunge. There was a ground where a Midgarsommr likes to bask but it’s gone at the moment.

…Alright, the time might be a fact as to why the Midgarsommr is not there and all since it basks when there’s light. Anyway, in its place was something out of a nightmare (It’s night, get it?). A Nagarani….

Well, the looks at least. The fight didn’t take too long. As matter of fact, a few hits and a flask of Firaga, it’s all over.

However, Noctis wasn’t paying too much attention and the dissipating corpse of the Nagarani fell on him, making him cry out in shock.

“Noct!” He could hear the other three calling out for him.

The musky smell of the daemon and whatever that was leaking on to him only disgust him. “Get off of me, you ugly bitch!” He struggled to crawl out, holding off enough space so that he could breath.

The Nagarani, even with its head going off in smoke, shifted towards him and manages a… glare?

But before he could think further on it, it’s all gone and Prompto was there to get him back on his feet.

“Urgh, man. That’s nasty.” Prompto said as he wiped off the blood on his pants. Or maybe it was just slime.

“Injuries?” Ignis asked as soon as he reached earshot, worried.

“I’m ok.” Noctis assured him as he recovered, after checking there was nothing else wrong.

“Could use a bath, though.” Came Gladio’s amused tone.

The raven haired prince grimaced at him. “Says the guys that looks like he got powdered with soot.” He retorted.

“Who’s fault was that, Princess?” Gladio countered.

“Guys, can we just get out of here?” Prompto whined as they heard the daemonic tittering of Arachne. A bunch of them. Looking toward the falls, they could see the half arachnid ladies stealing glances and tittering lightly again. They must have been for a while.

“I second that, post haste.” Came Ignis’s reply as the three of them hustled their way up to the main road, keeping constant vigilance for ambushes.

Thankfully, they all made it in one piece to the car.

Zooming to the nearest caravan, they took turns with the bath as Ignis cooks them some burgers.

“Nice!” Noctis commented, digging into his too fast and choked. Prompto was there to help him clear his throat while Gladio had an amused smile before he took a bite out of his burger and Ignis gave him an unimpressed grimace.

Settling into his seat, the Advisor sighed. “This wouldn’t have happened if you ate your food rather than gobble it down.” He said dismissively before biting into his.

“Ignis!” Noctis bellowed angrily. “The fuck was that?” He said as he placed the burger back on his plate. “Some kind of new veggie burger recipe?” He said in disdain, as he took a drink of water.

Ignis was so shocked at the reaction, he froze while Gladio took a look at his burger.

“This is just garula meat, right?” He asked before reassembling it and Prompto took a bite out of his burger to be sure. After swallowing that, he went for Noctis’s burger.

“Dude, these are just Iggy’s burgers. It’s garula meat, man.” Prompto said in disbelief, giving Noctis a puzzled look.

He looked at them as if they were lying. He looked over the burger again and indeed it was grounded garula meat. He took another tentative and cringed as he tasted broccoli. “No, it’s definitely veggies.” He groaned as he went and grabbed a glass of water to wash down the taste.

The other three stared at each other. “Come on, Noct. This isn’t a joke.” Gladio admonished.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” He retorted.

And that was the start of a starved King-to-be’s journey.

The advisor slaved the next day to make something the princeling would eat but to no avail. For food tasted like the enemy, the vegetables.

As the problem dragged on, the Prince soon fell-

“Hey, Noct. How’re you holding up?” Came Prompto’s concerned voice.

Slipping his eyes off the phone screen, he secretly puts the diary app away.

“I want meat.” He sulked as he put the phone down and tries to take a nap. He manages to sate his hunger with milkshakes and other liquids but the craving for proper food never went away.

Prompto was on Noctis watch duty while Gladio and Ignis asked around.

“Well, something other than meat?” Prompto asked, staying where he was in case he could fetch it.

“Can’t sleep. Too hungry.” The prince moaned as he rolled on to his front. “Bored.”

“King’s Knight?” He asked as he sat next to the prone prince, readying the phone as well.

The prince just shook his head. “If this keeps up, I might just die from starvation.” 

“Hey, at least the milkshake still tastes like milkshake. Wanna go grab some?” Prompto offered cheerfully, dispersing all the depressed vibes. “Y’know, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard-“ He sang off key.

The prince took out his sword in a flash of blue and pointed it at the cheery blond, freezing him mid-sentence. “I don’t have anything to eat other than the milkshake. Six help me before I stab you for making the only thing that I can ‘eat’ a puke trigger.”

The blonde on the other hand just push it aside and laughed. “Sorry, dude.” He said as the prince lazily let the sword disappear in another flash of blue.

“Noctis, Madam Ezma would like to speak with you for a moment.” Came Ignis suddenly. It seems he was there for a quite a while.

“Astrals, Iggy. You scared me there.” Said the blonde, recovering from his surprise. He only received an apologetic nod at that.

Once they met her, they were all…quite surprised?

“Usually, daemons can’t understand a thing we say but some of them actually understand us.” She said solemnly before giving the prince a pitying look. “And a Nagarani can dish out pretty weird curses. Thank the Astrals, it goes away with time. It shouldn’t last more than a day, like other status effects.” She placated them.

Once they knew what the matter was, they decided to wait it out. Ignis only gripe is the fact that he had to waste three bottles of remedies.

The night couldn’t come fast enough for the Prince. Noctis had piled all kinds of meaty food he could get by begging Ignis and scrapping what’s ever left of their supplies.

“Noctis, I would advise to start eating slowly.” The Advisor tried to advise the rather manic Prince. “Or you’ll get sick before you can even finish them.” He said. He’s regretting cooking all of those dishes now.

“Uh-humph.” The prince said through a mouthful of a skewer meat. Thankfully, there’s Gladio and Prompto to help with the food but when the prince was hissing over a plate of brisket, they knew better than to squabble over it.

So lesson learnt. Don’t cuss and dis the daemons when you’re fighting them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope everyone had a nice read!


End file.
